Plan all you want...

I met my now husband at 19 and we knew we'd get married after I finished college. Once I did that, the wedding was set to take place and while I was raising eyebrows for getting married so young, I was ok with it. Then a few months before the wedding, I found out I was pregnant. We've been married for almost a year and a half, I'm 24 now (my husband is 7 yrs. older) and my baby just turned 1. He is the absolute best kiddo on the planet. Of course there are times I wonder what we'd be doing or where we'd be had we not gotten pregnant, but I had been baby crazy for a while. So, it was a very pleasant surprise! Like I read somewhere: We'll be young empty-nesters. My (unsolicited) advice is to give yourself 'couples' time if you can (and want to). Because it takes a long time to get it back, and even then I don't think its the same. Having a child makes your relationship with your partner different. In my case its better, but not the same as before.

And how I miss staying out and sleeping in!

Cupcakes and slides

So on Friday Bruce turned 1. And it was fuuuuun. We went to the park and he got to roam freely like never before. He got down and REAL dirty. I'm still trying to get his fingernails clean. He had dirt in his ears and hair. It was so cool.

He really loved it!

The whole week leading up to his birthday all I could think if was: "Last year at this time I was going to the hospital" or "I blacking out because of the contractions" or better yet "By now I had nursed him for the first time".

This day, I wanted to make extra special for him. So in the morning I went to his room and sang Happy Birthday to him, and we cuddled for a little bit. And while we did that, I just really thought a lot about my new life with Bruce and how happy I feel. And how happy it makes me to see him happy and thriving. And even though some more sleep would be nice, I wouldn't change my life for anything in the world.

Bruce's 1st year

I have to say this has been the most emotional year of my life. And I'm not saying that it was dramatic. Just that every emotion I've had this year has felt like it was magnified by 10000000. Partly b/c the hormones and sleep deprivation and just getting married and having a kid make you feel that way.

As 2008 comes to an end and my kiddo turns into a toddler, I just start thinking about all the stuff that's gone on for the year. All the new endeavors we've taken on, the growth my husband and I have experienced as a couple and my own personal growth just as a person. I think I've matured a lot, of course. But I've also forced myself to regress and realize that just because I'm a mom doesn't mean I'm old.

And by this I mean I can still be responsible and love my son (duh) and make rules and enforce them and discipline and raise a child and not have to wear mom pants (real, not figurative).

I think the biggest discovery this year is seeing how vast love is. Because the way you love your relatives or your significant other is not the same way you love your child. To me, Bruce is a part of me. He is half me, half Karl. He is both of us and none of us at the same time. He's my flesh and blood. And the simplest way I can explain this love that in just one year has grown so much is that it makes my heart beat so fast and feel so much at the same time that I think it'll explode.

Bruce makes me feel happy and giddy and frustrated and sleepless all at the same time. My heart almost aches when I think of how much I love him. I look at pictures of him once he's asleep only to moan when he's up at 5 AM. But smile once again when he gives me one of his deliciously slobbery open-mouthed kisses.

He is the single-most amazing little guy me and my heart have ever met.

It snowed last night!

We woke up this morning to the beautiful sight of snow. In Texas. Of course it wasn't feet and feet of snow. More like half an inch. But its still snow! And that made me happy because I'd finally get to break out that awesome coat I bought at Nautica last year on sale ($70! That's a steal! I wonder why? Oh, right. No one buys coats in TEXAS).

So I wore my coat for a few hours, but now its 3:30 and its not winter coat weather anymore. Its more like wear a nice jacket weather. Of course, now I'm just looking for reasons to leave the house and wear my nice new winter stuff. I never get to wear it! I'm just gonna have to convince my husband that we have to someplace cold so Bruce can see the snow (read: so I can break out my winter wardrobe).

Climbing sofas and corporate ladders

Bruce has officially learned to climb sofas. And chairs. Ans anything close to the sofa he climbed. So now I'm finding myself finding him on a coffee table or on a magazine basket throwing CD cases off the rack. Or playing kind on the hill on a chair (which is incredibly cute).

And I think, he's getting so big so fast and he's learning so much. Where does that put me? I mean, I just got out of school officially like a few months ago. I don't think I'd like to go back to school for a while. But I do want to work and I do want to learn about a new job. You know? Just get out there and do something.

While I've enjoyed my time with Bruce sooooo much, I think I'm ready to do something new.

I'm ready to learn to climb couches.

Trust no one.

So, I'm not sure what really happened and the more I think about it the less creepy it seems.

I was at HEB about half an hour ago with Bruce (of course). We were walking down the aisles and you know when you're with a baby you always get the "Oh, what a cutie!" and the random comments. Well, I stopped for a second to get something from my purse, and as I looked up, there was this guy in his late fifties in a cap and glasses was just parked next to Bruce, holding his hand and about to KISS him!!!

OMG, I could not believe what I was seeing! Weird beyond belief. So I just looked at the man and as soon as he noticed he drove off (he was in a motorized cart). Now I don't know if this part was mi imagination (or if it all was, for that matter), but he kept showing up in whatever aisle we were in.

By that point I just went into a couple random aisles with enough people in them and then I left. Didn't see him again.

Maybe he was just really friendly, but this seemed like more than that. Like something seemed off. The way he was smiling at Bruce seemed off, the way he DIDN'T smile at me or didn't say anything seemed off. You know?

It was just weird. Made me want to hold my baby and never leave the house again.

I want to go to bed but its only 9:30... AM

So Bruce woke up early this morning. REALLY early. Apparently, he had to take a sh** and/or he is teething. So proceed to call mom and see what she can do about it.

Gee, let me see. Hmm... NOTHING. This might have been at 4 AM. But I can't say for sure. All I know is it felt to early to be up on my feet. And that's usually not the problem. I can walk over to his room at night and nurse him back to sleep b/c there's a futon in there for that purpose. So I only have to lose some rest, not all. But, see, last night it was all about nursing on one side, then the other, then whining, then pulling my hair, poking my eyes, scratching my face, crawling on my head. Anything to keep me from falling asleep. Because if Bruce can't sleep, heaven forbid Mommy does.

At 6:30 I've finally had it and put him in his crib. And I walk out of the room. Half zombie, half miffed. Of course, he's crying "Nooooo mommy, why are you doing this to meeeee? You ruthless, b***h!! You'll pay for this! I need miiiiilk!!". All I can think is, "_____________": nothing. I am about as awake as a log.

I sleep past the crying that shortly turns into whining and then silence, until he wakes again at 7:15. Which at this point is fine because, hey, I'm already late (Karl needs breakfast by 7:30). Husband is out the door by 8:00, which means little B and me had another almost two hours of loitering to fill.

So now he's off pulling loose CD's out of a drawer and taking CD cases off the rack. After that maybe he'll play a little with that mixing bowl turned hat or maybe wander off into my room. Who knows? The house is his oyster and a lot can happen in a few minutes.

Sooo... this "blogging" thing all the kids talk about...

What the hell am I doing catching up to this, like, eons later? I should have started doing this a while back. Probably while I was pregnant. And I thought about it. Like, "Oh, I should blog so I remember this or that". And then I'd think, "Oh, I have a great memory. Blog-shmog!".

My memory is as good as that of a squirrel. I forget everything. Except for the main things related to survival (and that's probably just instinctual), I rely on notes and (God bless him) my husband.

But sometimes I forget notes. And sometimes my husband forgets. So, that's not always the best way to keep up. That's not really anyone's problem but mine, though.

What I'm attempting with this blog is to get with it because:

* At 24 I have only played Guitar Hero once and sucked at it.
* I just now found out what all this Twitter and RSS-ing is about

But most of all:
* I was never like this.

So this is my lame attempt at, I don't know, just writing stuff about my life and thoughts, occurrences, and keeping a log of important things I*THINK* I'll remember later in a more organized manner than just randome notes or my huz's memory.

So here goes...